How do you deal with constant sibling tattling and fighting?

Our situation: We just adopted three children, and one is not settling in very well. He is six but obviously at the emotional age of 2. Wonderful child but the problem is when all three are together, they all feed off of each other, end up fighting etc. We have a structured home, only five house rules (no hitting, yelling, running, whining and quiet time before 8:00 a.m. as we are in a condo)





I just wondered if anyone has dealt with higher needs like this in a sibling package? My hsuband and I were foster parents for many eyars and have a good parenting experience as foster parents in the clinical sense, but are struggling with the sibling stuff, as all the kids we have been from different families, not siblings.





Please also source if you have any good websites.





thanks!

How do you deal with constant sibling tattling and fighting?
Divide and conquer.





We try to separate our kids, in order to have some one-on-one time. Weekends, particularly are tough, because they're together all weeked.





Good luck.
Reply:One thing I did with my kids was to have them each have a turn to tell what happened. The other one could not interrupt. Then I would have them each tell me what they could have done differently. If they didn't have any ideas I would help them think of things. Then I would have them "practice" doing it differently - acting out the new way to do it. It took a long time at first, but it cut way back on tattling and fighting. They didn't really enjoy the whole process! Also, it helped them see the other's point of view and to think of better ways to deal with problems.
Reply:I make my children work things out together... I try not to get involved unless someone is being harmed. It works for our family. For the most part they can solve their own problems without our intervention.
Reply:Take control of your children. Read the Love %26amp; Logic series from Jim Fay.
Reply:I have three biological children, and I can say that fighting and whatnot amongst them is normal. Its part of being sibling and part of growing up.





I don't have any good websites, just my own experience.... but if my kids fight, they all get punished, regardless of "who started it". It takes two to tango. I also don't respond to tattling for the most part. If I didn't see it, it didn't happen in my book. Of course there are exceptions here or there - I have two boys and a girl, and the boys do tend to gang up on my daughter, so in those instances the boys alone get punished.





My oldest son (who is almost 7) has what we like to nicely call a "spirited" personality. Translated = he's incredibly high maintenance and sucks the life out of all of us! He's usually the instigator in any fighting and issues that go on in our home. I find alot of the times it happens when he's "bored", so I try to keep him especially as busy as possible - with playdates, sports, etc. Also, in your case, don't be afraid to look for professional help, your son may need some counselling to help him settle in better.





Good luck!
Reply:Siblings fight. They tell on each other. That's just part of growing up. You did it, I did it, and I am sure our husbands did it. Of course some cases are more extreme then others, however, its perfectly normal, even btw (sometimes especially) natural born siblings.





The only way to get it to lessen, is to point out every time you catch them fighting/tattling, that its wrong and give them consiquences. Make sure you follow through with them. When in doubt, seperate them.





Also, what I have found to work a bit too, is find something that all the kids are into and that the whole family can play. Play together with them. They see that they can have fun and not fight and hopefully when they play that activity together, they remember how nice it was to play peacefully and continue to do so.