I cant trust him?

but thats only cos my ex broke my trust. he promised to be the best guy in the world and he even fooled me and others into thinkin he was great etcetc


well then he cheated on me





so now im finding it hard to trust anyone especially the new guy, hes great he really is known him for years and stuff but im scared that just like the old ex put on a mask to show that he was a good guy, what if this guy is the same...cos it always happens to me. i never like the guys, they always like me first, then as soon as i like them back something always goes wrong and they cheat, or do something similar.


and now this guy whose always loved me [he says] for eyars, im scared he will be the same ....

I cant trust him?
we've all been there! i've just managed to get over that one myself!





at the end of the day, we've all had guys in the past that have taken us for a mug and cheated on us, broken our trust but we cannot take this out on our new partners.





if you dont have trust in a relationship, what have you actually got??





you've known him for a while so you should have a very good idea to what he's like.





i think you need to try and bury what has happened to you in the past. its all about finding mr right! and there's gonna be quite a few frogs about to break our heart before we find our prince!





like the saying goes "love like you've never been hurt!!"
Reply:Its human nature to be wary after being hurt, a defence mechanism of sorts. However you can't paint all men with the same brush because you got a faulty can of paint. Its not fair to punish him for the mistakes of someone else. If he's good to you then nothing else matters. We can't go through life shying away from hurt, that's no way to live.





If you go outside you might get hit by a car but does that mean you should stay at home covering under the blankets?
Reply:I understand y u are scared, i would be scared too. but if have known for years.... and if u and him have been kind of close for a while.... don't u think u should give him a chance.... I know every girl thinks almost every guy is the same. but trust me - they r not no where near it....


and I know u don't want to get hurt again. but i say just take a chance on this one.. maybe he will be the right one and prove u wrong.
Reply:If you ever want to be in a relationship and happy you have to conquer those demons and learn to be happy. You have to ignore the fact you had a realy nasty boyfriend and accept someone new does like you and is prepared to be with you. Dont be scared, just go with the flow and date and have fun. He will show you how interested he is in you, texts, gifts, etc. he will not be like other selfish men. And if he does know women you have to learn to trust him.
Reply:you cannot base everything on your ex. every person is different. doesnt mean that all the guys out there are cheats.


but i do understand, that you been hurt once, so you are not too sure now, about this new guy.


well, forget your ex. don't rush with this new guy. take your time. and get to know him first. but you can't compare him to your ex. that's a mistake that most of us do.
Reply:are you the same as every other girl? what about any other girl?


if not then why should he be the same as every other guy? or any other guy? for instance the last one?





if you are going to hold on to that while your with him you can trust that you will push him away, and maybe push him into anther girls arms (possibly subconciously just to see if he would, which is hardly fair on him as that puts hurdles there he shouldnt have jump over).





a suggestion, instead of focusing on wether a person is trustable - make it about what you can trust them with.


I trust my ex to sleep around, I trust my one mate to spend a fiver I leave at his place, but always return a fone and to be there should I need him. I trust those I dont know with things I feel ok to lose, to start with. butt first and formost I trust others cos I trust myself - I trust myself in dealing with it if it goes wrong, I trust myself in dealing with it goes well, and I trust that I will be happier with not being fearful all the time, always wondering where the next failing is going to be (that sort of thing is really undermining of a lot, very destructive).





that way may not suit you, but I would suggest finding a way that works for you that doesnt undermine all of your and his efforts.
Reply:Its hard for you , but eventually you will regain the ability to trust, and this guy who you've known for years, who's not the same as your ex, is there ready to love you. He deserves a chance doesn't he? Tell him how you feel and let him know that you really want to be able to trust him but that you are not yet properly healed from your last bad experience. Tell him you need some time to overcome your fears even though you realise that he is not in any way the same as your cheating ex boyfriend. If he really is the good guy who has been in love with you for years, then he won't mind if it takes just a little longer to gain your love and trust.
Reply:gotta trust untill he gives you a good reason not too,
Reply:It takes a leap of faith. Sort of like gambling. You don't really know for sure if you have a winning hand til you place your bet. Be careful about revisiting your past too often. It hurts when the one you love betrays you. Accept it and move on. If you keep making comparisons between the old and the new you may just get what you are looking for.....to get hurt again.