Additional info on my previous question, proving myself to my fiance,?

(original question)





How can I prove to my fiance that I want her and our son, to be a family, She has allowed her mother to persuade her to keep me off the birth cert. and has even signed a statement authorizing her mother to act as a power of attorney! when she was living with me, she knew that I loved her, and that i was more than willing to raise our child, but then she moved back home. and since then, she has been somewhat distant, she didn't call me when she went to the hospital and delivered, Granted I know that her mother is convincing her to do this to me, So I feel like I've been forced to file a petition for paternity, Which I know that my fiance will take as an attack on her, and if she doesn't her mom will make sure she thinks I am attacking her legally, all I want is to see and take care of my son, and be with the girl of my dreams, what can I do to prove to her that I am the man who will move mountains when she says she believes in me?"





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she moved back home becasue she was afraid to be a mother, and not know what to do, she wanted help from her mother, while I initially thought it was a good idea, it was just a ploy from her mother to split us apart, her mother would eventually push the limits of everything, constantly calling me a dead beat ebcasue I never went to drs appointments when my fiance asked that I not go, because of all the physical exams, they made her embarassed, then she called me a dead beat becasue I wanted to put the baby on child health plus, which is health care that you have to pay for, just not through work, it's state funded,





She's called me a dead beat because when my car died, I spent my income tax return on a new car instead of stuff for the baby, P.S. my "new" car is over 30 eyars old, but in very good shape,...








The worst thing that happened was that we went through a rough spell where there wasn't much food in our apartment, don't get me wrong, there was food, but she was a picky eater,...


that turned into me being a deadbeat because I didn't provide enough food








I wish that I had been stronger, i wish I had taken out 2 jobs, it felt so good to come home and see her sleeping, and jump into bed and wake her up and see her smile back at me, it was soo gratifying,


coming home and finding the porchlight on, hearing her say that she loved me,





i need to find a way to get them both back!

Additional info on my previous question, proving myself to my fiance,?
First, let me say that *usually* when a parent attempts to intervene in their child’s decision for a mate, they have a reason for it. And many times the mate hides behind “it’s all her family’s fault” without acknowledging or addressing the *real* reason. So, I’m not entirely convinced that you are this wonderful, totally innocent party.





AND, the reason you gave--that they think you’re a deadbeat--does not make sense. Because apparently, they are not encouraging her to establish paternity and seek child support. So on the one hand they’re upset that you don’t provide well enough financially, but on the other hand, they aren’t encouraging her to do anything to *make* you provide. The two contradict each other.





But, with that said, I don’t really know what’s going on, so there is a SMALL chance that she is one of the VERY RARE women who basically lack a backbone (and I don’t mean to offend by saying that) and allow others to lead her around/make her decisions for her.





IF that’s the case, she needs some professional help, and you should have encouraged her to seek that when she was living with you. Because people who lack a backbone and allow others to make their decisions for them, generally don’t make the best parents in the world (which in no way means that they don’t love their children completely).





IF that’s the case…well, good luck, because you’re going to need it. SHE is the only one who can fix this, and she can’t do that until SHE recognizes that she has a problem and she WANTS to fix it. You can’t make her do it, and if you attempt to make her, then you’re going to be making the situation worse—for example, the result may be that Mom encourages her to seek a restraining order against you, which won’t look good for you when you go to court over custody/visitation. You need to tread very lightly.





There comes a point in everyone’s life when we have to accept that we are powerless over some things (and if you believe otherwise—because I almost can see you denying it—then you have some more growing up to do). You can talk to her (I REALLY would NOT advise insulting her family during this conversation), you can tell her that you love her and you want to build a life with her, you can encourage her to seek some counseling (individual and/or together), but that’s really all you can do. And don’t attempt to have this conversation with her every day because then she’s just going to feel pressured and smothered and it will backfire on you.





Of course, the other thing that you can and SHOULD do is deal with the paternity issue.





Now, all that’s merely my personal opinion, and frankly, I’d suggest that you seek advice from a professional.
Reply:granted, I knew this, that she's a picky eater, but at the same time, it bugged me that she couldn't tough it out with boring tasting food for 2 weeks, and then her mom calling me a dead beat, Report It

Reply:and to make matters worse, not only has she pushed her daughter into leaving me off the birth certificate, because I am a "dead beat", but when I have even tried to give her child support, her mother, not my fiance returns the check in the mail, Report It

Reply:this is just a big game of control for her mom to excercise her co dependancy through





is there a way you could email me or privately message me? Report It

Reply:I wouldn't be so quick to place the blame on her mother. Do you have solid proof this is the case? It sounds more to me like she has had second thoughts about motherhood and being in a relationship. If you really want her back, then take it slow. Date her and woo her again. Win her over just like you did the first time. But this time, marry her! And always remember, the most important thing to most women in a relationship is security. I wish you the best of luck.
Reply:you need to get her away from mother.


i dont know how you can do it but thats the first step.


good luck.